Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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