Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
