remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's get the cat blown out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
