happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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