Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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