It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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