Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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