I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
