I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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