So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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