you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
