I think I died a long time ago.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
