Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
