I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
