Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize