Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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