a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
