I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
