You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
