i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
