Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
