so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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