help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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