I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
