peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
