I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
