I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
