I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
