I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
