dude i'm inner monologue high
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
