Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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