I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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