You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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