I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
