What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
