lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
