If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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