youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
