He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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