NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
