note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
