I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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