just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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