K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
