Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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