i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize