I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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