If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
