I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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