it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
