His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
