Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
