AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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