Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
