It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
