He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
