I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
