After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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