Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
