They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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