In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
