I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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