i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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