And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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